The Pith Report: Struggling Education System in Talks to Receive Corporate Sponsorship

In a bid to get hired by The Onion, I once launched and maintained a satirical news blog. The plan was unsuccessful but the blog was, oddly, instrumental in landing my first job in advertising. A mix of new and recycled entries, this is The Pith Report.

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Struggling Education System in Talks to Receive Corporate Sponsorship

WASHINGTON D.C. – Burdened by an increasingly expensive healthcare system and ongoing commitments in Iraq and Afghanistan, Congress has a radical plan for the faltering education system: corporate sponsorship. California Representative George Miller, Chairman of the Committee on Education and Labor, recently spoke on the proposal. “We were approached a few months back by a company with this revolutionary idea to sponsor the education system,” Miller explained. “At first, I’ll admit, we laughed it off. But then we figured, why not?” Preliminary suggestions for the proposal include sponsored naming rights for the K – 12 system where, for instance, the sixth grade will become Yankee Candle Presents: The Sixth Grade. “So far, we’ve been inundated with offers by a variety of companies,” Miller said. “Nabisco, Apple, Target, General Motors…Noxzema is pushing hard to sponsor all of junior high. But we’d obviously like to limit the sponsorships to domestic companies.” Other initial suggestions include Recess – Courtesy of Exxon-Mobil, The Camel Lights Teacher Lounge, Title I by Berkshire Hathaway, and Durex Presents: Homecoming.