"...I spotted an albino alligator at the nation’s largest aquarium, joined the whitest crowd to ever attend a Stevie Wonder show, and talked Fabio (!) into an #uglyvideoselfie..."Read More
"Right as I stepped up, I decided to do all of what I had. To burn off the 2 minute extra of semi-fluff at the start, because a tie would be so unlikely, and so I’d be sure I had enough material, and so that I could end on my best punchline, which was, at the time: '1970’s porn star-slash-YMCA lesbian bush,' as I waved my hand in front of my crotch like a fucking magician..."Read More
"At some point during this drive, something occurred to me, and I don't know why this something hadn't occurred to me until then: I was on a blind, double-date with my parents..."Read More
"AdWords are a form far more strict than a haiku (due to Google's character limits), so making a poetic 25/35/35-character ad is a real coup..."Read More